勇猛的旻达

旻达的第一次滑冰课也充满戏剧性。第一至三节课因为鞋不合脚，她一直靠在Katie身上，东倒西歪。第四节课换了双鞋子，突然会在冰上走了。她跌跌撞撞走得满快，直到砰的一声撞到墙上。第五节课索性撞得鼻血流了满嘴。第七节课是最后一堂，她走走跑跑地成了第一个。让我想起她两岁时因为争着要第一个洗手，把下巴撞了一个很深的口子。

受气包妈妈

这天，我提早去Paidea接旻恺和旻达。旻达一看到我就不高兴了，她的画还没画完。 我提出帮她画，她要我照着她哥哥的版本画。这下好了，一会儿位置不对，一会儿形状不对。她在那一边哭一边用眼睛瞟着老师，多半不想让老师知道她的小无赖样。我耐着性子呆了十五分钟，起身收拾东西。她的老师过来帮忙处理，两分钟搞定 -- 她可以把形状模型带回家，晚上接着画。

唉，我真是一个受气包妈妈。

Luckiness and Unluckiness

Katie has her first figure skating competition on Oct 26 & 27. It's a local competition. Katie won the first place on both Composery and Stroking for her age group. She told me that, "I always get lucky on competitions." That's true. She has not missed any competition so far, piano, drawing, skating. The skaters are very close. The judges had to let them stroke for extra time to compare their endurance. On the other hand, she has spent extra time practicing her spiral for the last two weeks to make this happen.

Now comes the unlucky part. On Sunday afternoon, Oct 28, she performed in the Minnesota Music Teacher Association (MMTA) monthly recital. She was lost in the middle of her music and stopped there... The teacher critic on the students' playing reminded her so that she could finish her piece. Lesson to learn ...

Katie's First Composery

Work Time

Yesterday I picked up Minda and Minkai for visiting allergy doctor in the morning. Minkai told me to come back quickly so that he would not miss work time. He must be busy...

About Crying

"How's you skating lesson?" I asked Kate after her 40 minutes Ice Kicks Synchro class.
"The other kids are too slow. And there is a girl, she cried every time that she fell. It is not fun to skate with her."
I have to write this comment down to remind Kate later.

Kate's Hope and Dream

Kate shared with me her hope and dream for the semester:
"In school, never get break."
"Especially buddy breaks."
"What's buddy breaks?" I asked.
"It's getting more than one breaks consecutively. You will be sent to home if you get four consecutively."
"Did you get that before?" My eyes are wide open and my eye brow is raising.
"No."

"Out of school, I like to be an actor." This is a dream.

The First Gym Class

It's 5:15 on Sep 4, 2007. Minda and Minkai are at the Little Gym for their first Gym class. Kate likes to see them in a class, so she went with them. It ends up that they were holding Kate's cloth or stays by her for the first fifteen minutes. They started to loosen up when they saw the activity circle -- jumping, tumbling, crawling.

What they really care about the gym class is the stamp that they get at the end. They got two on their hands and two on their feet. Minkai started to cry as the ones on his feet was fading after the bath, then he suggested to go there again the next day and everyday. I told him to put his hand and feet up next week when taking bath!

Responsibility Fight

Katie as our oldest daughter gets a lot of attention from us. She came over to our bedroom for sleeping on the same bed or rubbing back in the middle of night until she is more than five years old. She still gets to sleep on Mom's bed on Saturday if not breaking rules. She started skating lesson, swimming lesson, dance lesson when she was between two to three years old. She is very sweet and likes hug and kiss. She asked for siblings and she gets both brother and sister! She found that she did not tell Mom that she wanted older brother or sister. She is capable of lots of things. Winning MMTA (Minneasota Music Teacher Association) competitions, getting drawing in the first place for Minneasota state fair,... However, she does not take responsibility on lots of things. She will leave napkins on every table after using it, she will occupy her piano playing time with repetitive playing without playing the piece better, she will leave her clothes everywhere she takes it off, she may not remember to turn in her homeworks, ...

One day, when I was critcizing the same mistake she made after three weeks on a piano piece and pointing out the aggreement on no pet if she can not be responsible, she said, 'Mom, you will not let me have pet afte one month, two months, one year, ten years, twenty years.' I told her, 'you will be out by yourself after ten years, truely taking your own responsibility.'

水洒在裤子上

上次去北卡及华盛顿玩，飞机坏了两架，在飞机上坐了有七八个小时。幸好为两个小的准备了晚餐，他们在飞机上玩一下，吃一阵，睡一会，还挺合作。临下飞机前，旻恺说，‘水洒在我裤子上了。’嗯？他喝水的时候他爸爸帮他拿着杯子的呀。再仔细一看，他的裤子从里到外都湿了，这是怎麽回事？

NC and DC Trip in June

Everyone Missed Me

One day when we were taking the two weeks vacation in North Carolina and DC area, Minda smiled and said, 'Angela said she was going to miss me.' Angela is her teacher. After a second, she added, 'Everyone will miss me. Everyone in Paidea.' Wow. She must be feeling good about herself.

Friendship

Minkai and Minda have some good friends in Paidea, including their teachers. They officially called the kids and teachers are 'friends'.

After 12 weeks student teaching for an education degree, their teacher Angela came back for the summer. Minkai asked her, 'are you back for ever and ever?' They sure missed her when she was gone.

After Henry, their best friends, left for three months, one day Minkai asked Minda,
'Minda, who did you play with today?'
'Henry, Tucker, Vincent, ...'
'Henry? Did he leave Paidea already?' I was surprised ...

A new friend Caleb just joined Minda and Minkai's group. Minkai took his hand and said, 'come on with me.' Minkai spent a long time to be comfortable with the day care environment, he must feel like to share a warm welcome to ease the adjustment of his friend. Minkai and Minda both sat with Caleb on the bus while Caleb in the middle. They like to take care of their new friend.

'Handy man' Minda and Persistant Minkai

Minda and Minkai as a twins, are the direct opposite of the world.

One day, I went to pick up the twins. Minkai was working on hammering a nail onto a piece of wood. He was concentrating. The nail stayed on the wood, but wiggly. Carol, their teacher, said, 'Minkai, do you need some help? You have worked on this nail for more than half of an hour.'

Another day, Fuming picked up the twins and came back with a piece of wood with many nails on it. Carol told him that Minda was the handy man. She hammered more than 10 nails on the wood in a few minutes without any help.

Mother's Day Gift

Minda and Minkai's daycare, Paidea, let kids make a special card with a pot of Mom as Mother's day gift this year.
In the card says
'Sometimes you get discouraged
Because I am so small,
And Always leave my fingerprints
On Furniture, windows and walls.
But everyday I'm growin up
And soon I'll be so tall,
That all those little fingerprints
Will be hard to recall.
So there's a special handprint
Just so you can say,
This is how my fingers looked
When I placed them here today!'

With their pictures on the same side, and a handprint on the other side.

It's a sweet gift. After a while, Minkai likes to hold on the card instead of giving to me.

Katie makes her own card. Set out a station for displaying gifts from everyone. Set up a treasure hunt game for me to play. It's May 13, 2007

孩子话-旻达

那天，旻达看着电视，跑来激动地跟我说，"有个女孩掉在地上了”。
“哦，你是说摔在地上了。”
她又接着描述，“一个男孩把她捡起来了”。
"哦，你是说抱起来了”。
对于三岁的孩子来说，什么都很新奇，但要讲清楚可不容易。

Katie As a Princess

To: Mom

By Katie in May 2006, 7 years old

When I was teaching on Wednesday night and came home at 10 PM, Katie was not used to my not being at home and watching her soccer games.
Below is what she wrote during that period of time.

To: Mom

Mommy, I will love you when you'r near and you'r far.

XoXo means Love: Kate
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roses are red
Vilots are blue
and I's so glad to be here with you

酸奶过期了

旻恺，旻达两岁左右时，处于完美敏感期。他们吃的任何东西都必须是完整的。比如饼干，饮料，酸奶。结果是我们家的厨房里有成排的饮料瓶，冰箱里有摞起来的酸奶杯。为了不造成浪费，我买小瓶装的饮料与酸奶，要求他们一次把东西吃完。一天早上，他们兄妹俩各打开一杯酸奶，旻达很快就吃完了，而旻恺磨蹭半天，还是把大半杯酸奶放在桌子上了。

我问旻恺， '你怎么不把酸奶吃完啊？'

旻恺一本正经地说，‘因为它过期了。’

Minda's Accent

Last Saturday we were invited to a friend's party. Our friend is very good at making origami and he spent a lot of time to entertain the kids at the party. Below is what he sent to me after the party:

Minda said she wanted an origami "Forse".
"A Fox?"
"No, a forse."
"A Frog?"
"No, a forse."
Minkai came and said: "She wants a horse."
"A horse?"
"Yes, a forse."
Minkai has a better English than I.

我的女性主义历程 - 摘自“女性主义的伊人”

云在博客上的小评引发了我“讲述女性主义”的欲望。我回复道：
女性主义不是洪水猛兽！我确实是“女性主义分子”呀，连博客的网址都是“女性主义的伊人”。伊人是我曾经的一个笔名。小隐娘还调侃说“很勇敢”呢。
其实云和小隐娘都是女性主义分子，只是你们自己并不自知或者觉得没有必要如此自我标榜。所谓女性主义，简单的说就是“女人有做人的权利”，或称“女权”，只是因为“女权”比较咄咄逼人，改成“女性主义”温和些，这些不过是命名的策略。
做人的权利推而广之就包括男女平等，否定男尊女卑啦，女人有受教育、著书立说等人的权利啦，除了作为女儿、母亲、妻子的身份，女人还要有自我的天空等。
相信这些都是你们早就认定的权利。我只是把这些东西更加明确出来罢了。可见“妖魔化女权或女性主义”的本质是什么了吧？就是不承认女人也是人呀！
中午在饭堂一边吃饭一边遥想过去。回来后就写下“我的女性主义历程”这样的题目。
应该说，我的成长、求学和工作过程，跟一般的女人相比，并没有受到更多的性别压抑。
我出生在一个普通的小城家庭，我的父母对男孩女孩没有特别的偏见。对待我们三个小孩，他们总是说：大女儿是第一个孩子，当然疼了；二女儿虽然是意外怀上的，但出生时又白又胖的很可爱，也惹人疼啦；三儿子最小，前面有两个女孩，生了男孩当然高兴，也不会少疼的。
我妈多数时间在家当家庭主妇，因为那个年代找不到什么象样的工作。记得我妈妈年轻时候有过两份工作，一个是在竹器厂当工人，很辛苦的，常常被新鲜的竹子割伤了手，一天挣一块钱，一个月30元。一个是在街道的生产组当工人，好象是弄什么机器，回到家手上经常有油污。就是这样底层的工作，也不是自己能随便挑拣的，而且常常不能做得长久，有活就临时被雇，淡季了就被辞退。
80年代后我读小学高年级，家里经济随着国家政策的调控慢慢好起来，我家比较早就买了电视、装了电话，我妈就很安心地专职做主妇。而我虽然是个女孩，家务却没有做多少，总是以忙于学业为由四体不勤的，我妈有我姐帮忙也没有勉强我。一直到结婚前，我都没有怎么炒过菜。记得刚结婚那阵，炒菜的时候还常常很怕油会突然溅起来呢。
做饭倒是很小就会，四、五岁吧。当时我妈妈身体不好，我和弟弟被寄放在潮汕普宁姥姥家。姥姥当时下乡是因为工厂搬到乡下。我去普宁说起来很辛酸，是去带我不到两岁的弟弟的。白天姥姥上班了，我就带着弟弟在家玩。小小孩不是很喜欢哭吗？记得我当年常常是哄不过来，就跟着他一起哭泣，常常哭得昏天黑地的姥姥回来了才止住吧。做饭是淘米下水等锅开，然后快熟就叫邻居一老奶奶帮我端锅。6岁了回城里读书，因为有做饭经验，妈妈就把任务交给我。我每天放学就要回家做饭，而我那一直没有离开父母身边的姐姐，就常常可以玩到很晚才回家。
可以说24岁结婚时干家务能力，跟5、6岁时候是一个水平吧。因为不擅长家务也不喜欢家务，所以常常很不忿：凭什么两个人都有工作，家务却要女的来做呢？那时候收入少，一边埋怨也还是一边做着。现在更是倒退，有能力雇保姆和钟点工之后，我就成了超级懒女人：吃完的碗就一直泡在水里，等工人来才洗。有时候工人请假就只能到饭堂或餐厅解决吃的。
十几年漫长求学的期间，好象也没有很深刻的男女不平等的事情发生。或者我一直是一个比较自我或封闭的人，又或者是司空见惯就全盘接受吧。现在依稀记得读小学的时候有个跟我同桌的男生，叫许少平吧，欺负我，我不高兴，跑到老师那里要求调换座位，被老师敷衍过去。当时似乎也没有很悲愤，因为我一直不是个软弱的女生，虽然没有跟男生打架来解决，但是应该自己找到惩罚他的方式吧，比如向老师告状就是一种吧，呵呵。我读书一直成绩还比较好，小学初中都是名列前茅，高中理科一般但是语文常常考第一名就一直很有自信。加上老师也没有什么重男轻女的思想和表现，班里女生的成绩跟男生不相上下，就从来不认为女生智力不如男生。
要说有意识地搞“女性主义”，应该追溯到读研究生写毕业论文。而之前确定毕业论文的论题也仅仅是出于一种个人的喜好。我当时选的题目是：重构女性话语——论台湾女性主义文学发展历程。读了很多台湾女作家的作品，加上当时世界妇女大会第一次在中国北京召开，记得希拉里也来了，那段时间出了不少女性主义方面的理论书籍，自己觉得论述起来很顺畅。我的导师对我这个题目没有表现出性别倾向。倒是当时参与开题报告的几位男老师的反应出乎我的意料。
现在已经在成人行列混了有些年头，早就理解当时他们不过也是一种敷衍的态度。那时研究中心有5、6个人吧，都是男的，其中有两、三个对“女性主义、女权”这些东西很反感，用讥讽的口气话外有话地发泄了一通对女人的不满，似乎有一位甚至建议我换个论题。那应该是我第一次感觉遭遇了当面的男权围剿吧？我特别憋屈，主要是我对高级知识分子有某种崇高的想象吧，以为他们总该是思想比较开明的一群，没料到却是这样，眼泪可能都在眼眶里打转了吧？还好有一个老师及时跳出来，肯定了我论文的先锋意义和论述的亮点。
应该说是他们无意间的围攻给了我反抗的动力吧。之前我一直以为“女人也人是天经地义的”，却原来在我们这个男权文化深重的国度里，女人往往只具有生物学的含义，而一个女人努力追求实现自我是需要付出很多代价的。从那时候起，我才开始正式反思和探究女人的概念和历史。
跟大多数人一样，我以为写文章是一回事，生活和现实是另一回事。在遭遇各种性别的不公平的现象时，我也一般不会有什么过激的行为。不过是多了一个分析问题的视角，觉得从性别这个角度来看往往焕发出奇异的更人性化的色彩。多数时候我只能把自己的锋芒放在文字里，生活中还是夹着尾巴做人居多的。记得当记者的时候，我有两次当着众人的面发飙的经历。
一次是一帮记者到广西旅游，一男导游为了活跃气氛，在旅行车上讲了很多贬损女性的黄色笑话，这个东西也不是只有他才会讲，之前我也不是没有遭遇到类似的场景。只是当天恰好是三·八节，所以我当场言语激烈地把导游骂了一通，还顺带控诉了男权文化对女人压迫的历史。男导游和车上多数人被我的伶牙利齿震得目瞪口呆，后来几天男导游见了我都绕道走。
还有一次是电视台的选美比赛，叫“东方新娘”还是“东方主妇”之类。我当时跑影视娱乐的，大大小小的选美活动跑了也早已不下10次了。有个节目负责人在新闻发布会上说：女人的一生中有两个时刻最美丽，一个是当新娘的时候，一个是生完孩子当上母亲的时候。我明白他说的其实也只是一种约定俗成的场面话，可我就还是忍不住拿着麦克风就着他陈腐的论点大肆批驳了一通。现在还记得他尴尬的笑容当场凝固在脸上。还好南方人都是很温和的，虽然论点针锋相对剑弩弓拔，但也就过过口瘾而已，之后大家还是和平共处见面笑嘻嘻的。
在媒体工作，写写影视小评论我会不由自主用女性主义的视角来看问题，有时候采访名人明星，也会问问他们对这个问题的看法。记得作家贾平凹声称他一直很崇拜女人，而剧作家张广天就直接摆明了“女性就是革命性”的论点，显然都是直接褒扬的。我也早就明了，这个女性张扬的年代，场面上谁愿意当面打倒一大片为自己树敌呢。可是生活中女性受异化被丑化被妖魔化的事情依然不绝于耳。
从媒体转行回到校园当学者后，我又重新自觉拾起女性主义的理论武器进行文学评论。第一本论文集就是以硕士研究生的论文题目为书名——重构女性话语，希望重续当年的梦想，也是自己对自己学术道路的鼓励吧。之后主编了一本很受欢迎的论文集《女作家严歌苓研究》，其实也是这个论题的一个实践呢。
对于女性主义，我并没有做什么更有意义更具体的事情。我很崇拜艾晓明那样的女性学者，她不仅教书育人，还身体力行策划或参与各种相关的社会活动，比如控诉约会强奸的湖南黄静案件，比如太石村的村民选举权和人权事件，比如重申林昭的亡魂内涵，比如声援吉林一大学女教师被无理停课等等。但是，我明白我其实做不到如她那样，那是需要大智慧和大勇气的呀。
我现在只能做的，就是隐身在文字后面倡导一下女性主义而已。而表面上，我还需要那个乖巧的女人形象的面具的。跟大多数女人一样，在矫情和虚伪中呆得太长久太压抑了，我也会在控制不住的时候狰狞地发作一下的，然后生活的潮汐会抚平那些狂野的波澜，重新让生活归于死寂吧。

Winter 2007 Family Pictures

旻达与奶嘴

旻达总在忙什么？一到晚上，一累了，一饿了，她总是用软软嫩嫩的声音问，“我的奶嘴呢？”十秒钟后，她的小嘴巴就张到最大限度，用她的大嗓门哭叫，“我的奶嘴呢？！！” 于是我们所有人，从楼上到楼下，从桌上到沙发下，从厨房到厕所，都翻个遍。 她还总对我们的成果表示不满： 这不是她要找的那个颜色的形状的奶嘴。

旻达快四岁了。 我跟她商量，"达儿，你长大了，是不是可以不要奶嘴了？“ 一旁的旻恺也帮腔，"我早就不要奶嘴了！” 谁知旻达毫不羞愧，“我还没长大呢。等我到华盛顿时，我才不吃奶嘴。" 今年他们的生日，我们要去华盛顿和北卡度假。

可是最近一次看牙医，医生警告她必须戒掉奶嘴，因为她的牙床已经有些歪了。于是我把她的奶嘴都收起来了。 她可伤心了， 半夜醒来哭了一个多小时。但那一夜总算熬过去了。希望旻达与奶嘴的故事就此结束。

Minkai is Drawing

Minkai is drawing. He is seriously, dedicately, and happily drawing. We can see color pens and paper on the tables, desks, floors, and beds. No suprisingly, we actually see colors on the door, drawer, desk top, bedding sheets. He is into defining a shape, so he draws outline of the door, of a plastic box, and of table legs.

Last night, Katie and he went on bed around 9:45 PM. At 10:15, I heard something, of paper movement. So I went in their room, and saw the little boy who was standing before the bed, in the dark with only a night light, holding his color pens -- the ones without caps, and a seperated note book. I firmly put him on the bed while he was holding the note book.

This morning, when I was dressing at 6:45, I heard the sound of some kid getting up. Five minutes later, no one came to my room. So I searched toward the sound. Here was Minkai again, coloring with his left hand.

Minkai is busy learning coloring within lines.